MuguRe

I remember January 2010. I was excited. I took the day off to celebrate my birthday. Jan was definitely a happy month. Then Feb came along and the chips turned. My childhood BFF became a widow from a freaky mo'bike accident, just like that Adnan was gone. And the year took on a new feel, a heaviness that was well, heavy. I kept thinking of Kwix and Iraq and wishing him well. March was great, he got out of Iraq, safe and sound. There was a collective sigh of relief. I don't remember much else apart from planning end March to go on safari. April ambled in and off we went to Baringo, laughter, jokes, serious confessionals from the long drive seemed inevitable. Well, hell broke loose from a simple phone.....a phone call that I thought was bringing me Easter greetings and.....some twenty years later that was the end of my fabulous trip to Baringo...... Kwix was dead. I still remember the pain in the pit of my womb and the tears that wouldn't stop falling. I am not sure what happ...

It's 2011. Already?! So soon! And life goes on or so they say. Yet, I wake up thinking of you, of conversations we need to have, of advice I need to give and receive, of laughter to share, of Hot Lemon Ginger and cake at Java, the shopping sessions, of course with me not amused at how long you would take. I shake my head with disbelief at several intervals as the day goes on. Will this nightmare end? How will you know about Prada? Can you tell? Is this a path I should be on? Do you get the joy all this brings in the midst of a pain so tangible? Life seems the same yet I feel naked, bereft and in need of a hiding place. I am still pissed off, you know that right? We had plans, we were gonna start living life, remember? You let go! Why? It wasn't time, was it really? And you know what is annoying me some more, the fact that I can't break down, let the pain flood because it's really huge and I am alone and damn! what if I died? Silly, I know but I remember years back, ma...