MuguRe

Your little kick nudges me to wakefulness As you seek my attention I reach out and lay my palm on your head As a sign that I am here for you I listen carefully And our hearts beat as one I feel you tumble and turn joyfully And everything in me comes together I know I cannot wait to hold you in my arms And bury myself in the sweetness of you.

A pitcher of lemonade, ice cubes clinking, an absolutely hot day. That works well, doesn't it? You raise the glass to your lips, tip your head back and drink deep! Hmmmm.......bliss! Maybe that's the picture you should hold in your mind when life throws you more lemons than you can handle. Or so you think. Probably that's what whoever coined that phrase was thinking. Then again you could get the bottle of tequila out with some salt and take some shots, preferably with a pal who can hold your hand to cross the road for it's okay to experience the lemons at a personal level. Whichever way you wanna handle the lemons that come your way, it's imperative that you handle them. Because lemons will come. And some of us get sacks of them at a time, while others seems to get a few every other year and others still, seem more blessed and get none. I believe lemons either thrown at you or your friends are opportunities for growth. Unfortunately, when they come our way, we bem...

That it catches up with you, in the middle of a laugh, a smile, quiet, easy moments And the pain is sharp, doubles you up into a foetal position You catch your breathe, try to smile Push the overwhelming emotions back Get up and get on with life But it binds you to your favorite seat or corner of your bed Or on the floor of the shower, masking the gut tearing sobs The sense of loss, helplessness, anger and frustration You are now crying , asking the usual questions, Why, Oh God, why? You want to understand this loss, make sense of the pain It will probably make it easier, you know, to let go But that's just the thing with grief The more you try to make sense of it, understand it, The more it seems to hurt, because you can't really make sense of it You need to accept the pain by cherishing the memories, good and bad Kinda appreciate them, in a sense of gratitude Until grief losses it's power over you That's the thing with grief! .

Tonight my soul arose In a beat that stroked In the quiet of the night. Captured my spirit, Swaying in rhythm Seeping into ma skin, Vibrating through ma flesh To rattle ma bones To reach the marrow within Until all of me was fluid

It's cold and rainy With striking lights across the sky And sounds that growl Long into the night Long streaky tears on my window Yet the thrumming sound nudges Into uneasy wakefulness I reach out for comfort And grasp air And a cold, impersonal pillow And the thrumming accelerates With confusion and uncertainy Were you really here Or did I just dream it? ReneéJ

Earlier this month, 9th July to be precise I shared this note on Facebook. Time really does march on. The sun rises and sets each day effortlessly it seems, yet joy and pain require more effort to work with. Each is a little better than the last though. For that, I am grateful. It's exactly a year later; almost to the hour when I got the news that my big brother, Chanjo was no more. I remember how the calming words of the Psalmist floated and I wrote down, "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me" and little did I know that at that moment my brother took his last breath. I still miss him, his funny stories, his easy way of taking life in his stride, no matter what he brought his way, his endless love for his boys and dedication to each one of his siblings. Today was made difficult because of memories and realization that you cannot turn back the hands of time. When time has ...

You know, it's another month since you moved to another dimension. A dimension where we have one sided conversations going on....you know, me rambling on and imagining your answers. I am still pissed off with you for leaving so soon though it's not as crazy bad as Dec, 2010. The pain is there but I am remembering you without crying my heart out, the tears still fall but as if you are here wiping them away and whispering it's all good, the flow stops and I catch a smile. I hear again what you told me when I wouldn't stop mourning for John all those years and Chanjo last year and I know for a fact you wouldn't want me crying my eyes out. Still, I wish you were here. There are conversations that I can only have with you, just one gesture and you would know what I was saying. So many things to laugh over, and marvel and decide on! Well, remember the car? I finally got a car but you know the way I dislike driving, right?! Good thing that I live in a country as superb as ...

A year ago, April rolled in and you were gone. This is my tribute then and my tribute even now. Hope you have met my Suzs. Miss you. Kwame burst into my life with a smile and a witty remark that had me smiling and enthralled for life. He wasn't just Aunty Susan's nephew, he became my nephew too and a friend who loved me for me and always treated me with respect even though he would tease me mercilessly at times, he never at any one time showed me anything but utter respect. He made sure to stay in touch even in the days of handwritten letters, he would take time out and send me a letter or two. In the recent past whenever he landed, he would call me up to say 'hello, Mama Kris I am in town, let's meet' . And it would always be a surprise and I would be amazed by his thoughtfulness and consideration that in the few days he had in town, he would make time to see me. He did not only tell me I was a queen, he treated me as one and I felt honoured by his undivided atte...

The Alphabet of Life* *From Iyanla Vanzant's Until Today! (March 31)   I open my heart and mind to be aware… how my ABCs will lift my spirit   A lmighty Creator of the Universe B eloved Father, Mother, God C reate in me a clean heart this day D eliver me from the limitations of the ego E xalt Your presence in my mind F orgive all that I have held against you, myself and others G rant me peace this day H old me steadfastly within the boundaries of Your truth I nspire my heart to know You, my ears to hear You and my eyes to recognize You J ustify me in the presence of all enemies K nead my heart with words of kindness L et no harm befall me or my loved ones M ay all I do this day glorify You N ourish me with Your wisdom O pen my eyes to know Your truth P urge my heart of all things that are offensive to Your law Q uiet my soul in the midst of confusion R enew my connection to You S ave me from my secret fears T each me to trust You at all times U se all that You hav...

I remember January 2010. I was excited. I took the day off to celebrate my birthday. Jan was definitely a happy month. Then Feb came along and the chips turned. My childhood BFF became a widow from a freaky mo'bike accident, just like that Adnan was gone. And the year took on a new feel, a heaviness that was well, heavy. I kept thinking of Kwix and Iraq and wishing him well. March was great, he got out of Iraq, safe and sound. There was a collective sigh of relief. I don't remember much else apart from planning end March to go on safari. April ambled in and off we went to Baringo, laughter, jokes, serious confessionals from the long drive seemed inevitable. Well, hell broke loose from a simple phone.....a phone call that I thought was bringing me Easter greetings and.....some twenty years later that was the end of my fabulous trip to Baringo...... Kwix was dead. I still remember the pain in the pit of my womb and the tears that wouldn't stop falling. I am not sure what happ...

It's 2011. Already?! So soon! And life goes on or so they say. Yet, I wake up thinking of you, of conversations we need to have, of advice I need to give and receive, of laughter to share, of Hot Lemon Ginger and cake at Java, the shopping sessions, of course with me not amused at how long you would take. I shake my head with disbelief at several intervals as the day goes on. Will this nightmare end? How will you know about Prada? Can you tell? Is this a path I should be on? Do you get the joy all this brings in the midst of a pain so tangible? Life seems the same yet I feel naked, bereft and in need of a hiding place. I am still pissed off, you know that right? We had plans, we were gonna start living life, remember? You let go! Why? It wasn't time, was it really? And you know what is annoying me some more, the fact that I can't break down, let the pain flood because it's really huge and I am alone and damn! what if I died? Silly, I know but I remember years back, ma...