A Month & Counting

It's 2011. Already?! So soon! And life goes on or so they say. Yet, I wake up thinking of you, of conversations we need to have, of advice I need to give and receive, of laughter to share, of Hot Lemon Ginger and cake at Java, the shopping sessions, of course with me not amused at how long you would take. I shake my head with disbelief at several intervals as the day goes on. Will this nightmare end? How will you know about Prada? Can you tell? Is this a path I should be on? Do you get the joy all this brings in the midst of a pain so tangible? Life seems the same yet I feel naked, bereft and in need of a hiding place. I am still pissed off, you know that right? We had plans, we were gonna start living life, remember? You let go! Why? It wasn't time, was it really? And you know what is annoying me some more, the fact that I can't break down, let the pain flood because it's really huge and I am alone and damn! what if I died? Silly, I know but I remember years back, many years back......waking up crying that you were gone and thinking I would die if you did. So, you see, now that you are gone, I cannot let myself cry like I did then. I know I still need to be here, take care of our babies and keep the story of you alive. Else how will they know?

Lol! Guess what, I am keeping up with the Hollywood 411! Crazy! Fashion faux pas, who divorced who, regular muhahes that you always seemed to know. Hmmm....must be you still. Work, well you know me, workaholic me, and every time I reach for my phone to call you and tell you what the boss is pissing me about or to ask what to do about this or that staff issue. Skype 411 isn't happening, you know? Do you think she will handle and Skype me soon? I give her time......just as you would tell me. Arsenal are still getting their asses kicked and you know I cannot deal with losing......yer, ta imajini? I may need to recruit someone to jeer and cheer with Kris when Man U kick Arssenal ass again. Ooops! Did I say that? Loolest!

I miss you in a way that cannot be expressed in words. It's like our baby girl asking if you took your phone with you and will you pick up if we call? Just to hear your voice again. To hear you laugh. To hug you. To hang out and sleep all day in between watching movies and snacking. And you rib me for being lazy! Just a moment of the mundane-ness of life would be a welcome reprieve just about now.

Well, I am here and you are not. Everyday I will need to get used to not having you here....I will have to accept that you aren't coming back. Slowly I am getting to the beginning of that end, an end that I didn't sign up for. So, you will get to hear more rambling such as these. Especially since sleep is becoming a wee bit elusive.Though I am pissed off, I still love you.


 

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