Yesterday Girl

I don’t know about you but at times I miss my yesterday girl with enough nostalgia to bring her back to life. Maybe getting on in years is bound to do that to you. Maybe approaching 40s makes you realize how much you have changed and at times the limitations those changes bring into your life. Or its probably just the fear of losing a part of you that has seen you through some dare devil moments of your life.My yesterday girl was full of life, was never afraid of changes. She embraced them like one embraces a lover. Her life was all mapped out with allowances for spontaneity. It was a time she would go on holiday without worrying whether she had enough to cover the trip and pay bills. Well, if they disconnected the power, think how romantic candlelight was going to make her nights of passion. If they disconnected the water, no problem, she could always move in with her less spontaneous siblings to cover her. As for food, all she had to do was to make sure that she had enough dates to cover lunch or dinner. And anyway, she could always grab coffee in the office. Hey! What time do we leave?!Yesterday girl lived for the moment, squeezed every ounce of life from every moment, spent countless nights dancing provocatively, all alone, sending enough come on’s to five different guys without fears of impropriety. I mean, she wanted someone to dance with , not marry and have children with in that instance. She didn’t worry about age, his or hers. All she cared for was someone who could talk intelligently and danced great. If he moved on to someone else, she didn’t bury her head in the sand and hide away from life and love. She took it in her stride and accepted that she was not the one because he definitely wasn’t the one.She worked because she enjoyed what she was doing not because the bills needed paying or for a need to put her training into use. When a new opportunity presented itself, it didn’t matter that she had to pack up and leave, her roots didn’t go that deep, so why hold back?Yesterday she laughed long and hard, her ribs ached. She loved with open arms, no reservations, litmus testing. She loved deeply and gave more than she demanded back. She valued her dreams and putting every distraction aside, chased relentlessly. Fear of the unknown didn’t hold her back, it made it seductive and imperative to tame the fear. And friends, she seemed to have endless hordes of friends to grab a pizza with, drink enough carafes of wine at her favorite wine bar. And the more she spent time and money doing that which pleased her heart, the more she seemed to have both.Now, I wonder where is she? The more concerned I am with paying bills on time, spending money and time wisely, the less I seem to have of both. I am choosy of the company I keep and as such, I have too many lonely evenings in front of my television. I cannot remember the last time I danced, provocatively or not. Do I still know how to dance? And worse still, I am not enjoying my job but I have responsibilities and what would my mother say if I walked away?! As for love, does it still exist? Did it really exist? Oh yes, dreams. I remember those ones vaguely. Fear seductive?! Was that me really?As I reflect now, I realize how important it is for me to have a tryst with my yesterday girl once in a while to give me a jolt out of the complacency my life gets into. Oh yes! I love my yesterday girl, she reminds me to breathe and quit waiting to exhale

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